Just when you feel like you made some bomb ass lemonade from the sour lemons life threw at you more came along.
FUCK.
"Positive Mental Attitude. I read this in a book. Keep your mind in a positive state and don't let those sour lemons sting your eyes." These are the thoughts that went through my mind. But to be honest, how many of us can really shift our mind sets under immense stress and negativity? I tried to tell myself that it isn't the end of the world but the negative thoughts are like pesty flies attacking a piece of rotten meat, relentless. This had been day... 3 or 4 of my attempt for "acceptance" for a situation that was completely due to "bad luck" or some "evil energy" lurking in the background that I had no control over.
Surprisingly I was handling it pretty well for the past few days. I hadn't freaked out at all up until this point albeit the shitty situation at hand and honestly I was low key proud of myself. But then life threw more sour lemons at me. WHAT?! MULTIPLE SHITTY VARIABLES AND EXPONENTIAL AMOUNT OF SOUR LEMONS?! I felt a gush of panic flow through my chest and my head started spinning. I realized that, shit, I'm not good at handling multiple shitty situations at once. (LOL) At this point I tried everything I possibly could to convince myself to practice a positive mental attitude, but the panic felt so overwhelming that my entire body felt sick. One thing led to another, and before I knew it I created a downward spiral with a bunch of useless info from the darkness of my subconscious...
This was yesterday, let's fast forward to today, to this moment. I FEEL FINE. I didn't die. This morning came just like any other morning. I got out of bed and came to work and ate breakfast and worked. Just like any other morning. I worked out. Now I'm sitting here, feeling pretty decently. How did I get through the panic? I CONTINUED WITH WHAT I HAD TO DO AND KEPT LIVING.
I know that sounds really stupid but I literally told myself to continue to do what I need to do and despite how shitty I felt in that moment to keep going. I went to Target and got a few things I needed, went home and made myself chicken noodle soup from a can (when you are sick and congested this is the best thing right?...-_- this is the best I can do lol.), then knocked the fuck out for an hour because at this point my body mentally and physically could not handle anything. But then I woke up and continued some more with life and yesterday turned into today, and here I am, and guess what, THINGS ARE OKAY.
Back to the situation that I was stressing over, now looking in retrospect, that one point it was just out of my hands and no matter how much I stress and freak out, I did the best I could and that should be enough. I shouldn't have been so tough on myself to cause all the unnecessary pain and pressure on my already uncomfortable body from acquiring a cold from someone at work. But this was what I was used to doing, create negative feed back loops that cause more negative thoughts to be created. What I learned from yesterday was that despite how shitty and terrible you may feel in any particular moment, life doesn't wait for you, and you have to continue regardless of how you feel. Once you make it past that hurdle what's facing you ahead is a new day that has endless potentials for positivity, only if you want them. Because I didn't let myself stop and give up on my routine and disciplines I was able to regain a sense of control compared to the panic I felt the other day. I was able to create some sort of motivation to propel myself in a positive direction.
So the take away lesson from this long and ranty post is that, (as stupid and duh as this sounds) just keep going. <3
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Monday, March 6, 2017
What a 6 AM Workout Did For Me
Upon realizing that I had to get my shit together and change the way I've been living for the last 25 years of my life, this also included a radical incorporation of daily gym sessions compared to the 1-2 times a week prior. Originally I was going after work, around 5-6 PM, and finished around 7-8, this would mean the rest of my evening really involved eating, showering, and nothing else. I then decided it would be much more efficient to get gym out of the way during my 1 hr lunch break, and that was a game changer because it freed up so much time after work. I now had time to go out to dinner with friends or just sit back and read a good book (on radical self help... lol).
Today I did something drastically different than my normal routine. Instead of waking up at 7AM I set my alarm to 6 AM the night before, and actually woke up at 5:30 AM (God forbid, who am I?). I told myself I'd try going to the gym in the early AM and see if it makes a difference in how my day would progress. And behold! It's now about 11 AM in the morning, it might be too early to tell but I can tell you I feel significantly more positive and at ease. Not sure if it's because I "accomplished" something that I've never tried before, but the amount of peacefulness that I feel currently is really giving me hope and motivation to become better (whatever that means).
I arrived at the gym around 6:15 AM and proceeded with my fasted cardio work out. I set the timer on manual and run in intervals of 30 seconds with alternating speeds of 10 and 3.5. I do that for about 10 - 15 mins. I then proceeded to some light weight lifting. The thing about working out with an empty stomach is really a double edged sword, you burn more fat supposedly, but also because of a lack of energy source, you can't work out as hard and thus can't push yourself as much. Regardless, I completed my one hr work out and headed back to work. The goal here is to lose the 10 lbs or ish I put on during this period of time that I no longer want to talk about because I seriously write about it too much. Many people look at me like I'm crazy and tell me I already look like paper, why do I want to lose weight? It's about self image and self love okay? If I feel like losing 10 lbs will make me feel better about myself then I will do just that. (Insert extreme sass here.)
Back at work, it's about 7:40 AM (This is the time I usually get ready to leave home to come to work, yet I'm already here, feeling pretty good.). It's quiet, not a lot of people are here yet, I check my emails, get some work done, drink my coffee and then got breakfast at the cafe downstairs, all before 8 AM. It is now 11 AM in the morning, and I have been awake, focused, with minimal negative thoughts on my mind. I felt a sense of lightness, almost floaty, and in 30 minutes I will go grab a healthy bite to conclude the morning half of my day.
Why am I documenting this? Because I want to remember this feeling, the feeling of taking care of myself and completing "goals" despite how small, and the feeling of following through and feeling good about it. Self empowerment is filled with challenges and roadblocks. I felt a strong set back over the weekend with the copious amount of precipitation and lack of sunlight. (Wouldn't it be nice to have someone here next to me to feel like everything is okay? Wouldn't it be nice to just cuddle with someone and eat junk food and watch movies? Yeah it is nice, but you know this is all you know how to do right? At the end of the day that hollow self will never be satiated, and you will never be happy. AND whoever that sad soul is next to you will feel suffocated and become miserable.) However, because I did this for myself today and followed through with it I challenged my body and my mind to try something new and feel good about it. I'm breathing, I'm living, I'm weeding through the darkness that tends to shroud my mind on a daily, little by little.
So the journey continues...
Today I did something drastically different than my normal routine. Instead of waking up at 7AM I set my alarm to 6 AM the night before, and actually woke up at 5:30 AM (God forbid, who am I?). I told myself I'd try going to the gym in the early AM and see if it makes a difference in how my day would progress. And behold! It's now about 11 AM in the morning, it might be too early to tell but I can tell you I feel significantly more positive and at ease. Not sure if it's because I "accomplished" something that I've never tried before, but the amount of peacefulness that I feel currently is really giving me hope and motivation to become better (whatever that means).
I arrived at the gym around 6:15 AM and proceeded with my fasted cardio work out. I set the timer on manual and run in intervals of 30 seconds with alternating speeds of 10 and 3.5. I do that for about 10 - 15 mins. I then proceeded to some light weight lifting. The thing about working out with an empty stomach is really a double edged sword, you burn more fat supposedly, but also because of a lack of energy source, you can't work out as hard and thus can't push yourself as much. Regardless, I completed my one hr work out and headed back to work. The goal here is to lose the 10 lbs or ish I put on during this period of time that I no longer want to talk about because I seriously write about it too much. Many people look at me like I'm crazy and tell me I already look like paper, why do I want to lose weight? It's about self image and self love okay? If I feel like losing 10 lbs will make me feel better about myself then I will do just that. (Insert extreme sass here.)
Back at work, it's about 7:40 AM (This is the time I usually get ready to leave home to come to work, yet I'm already here, feeling pretty good.). It's quiet, not a lot of people are here yet, I check my emails, get some work done, drink my coffee and then got breakfast at the cafe downstairs, all before 8 AM. It is now 11 AM in the morning, and I have been awake, focused, with minimal negative thoughts on my mind. I felt a sense of lightness, almost floaty, and in 30 minutes I will go grab a healthy bite to conclude the morning half of my day.
Why am I documenting this? Because I want to remember this feeling, the feeling of taking care of myself and completing "goals" despite how small, and the feeling of following through and feeling good about it. Self empowerment is filled with challenges and roadblocks. I felt a strong set back over the weekend with the copious amount of precipitation and lack of sunlight. (Wouldn't it be nice to have someone here next to me to feel like everything is okay? Wouldn't it be nice to just cuddle with someone and eat junk food and watch movies? Yeah it is nice, but you know this is all you know how to do right? At the end of the day that hollow self will never be satiated, and you will never be happy. AND whoever that sad soul is next to you will feel suffocated and become miserable.) However, because I did this for myself today and followed through with it I challenged my body and my mind to try something new and feel good about it. I'm breathing, I'm living, I'm weeding through the darkness that tends to shroud my mind on a daily, little by little.
So the journey continues...
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